You Don't Need a Reason to Reconnect

Reactivating old relationships should be an intentional part of how you invest in your life and career.

Some of the most valuable people in your life will not be the people you speak with every week. They may be former colleagues, managers, mentors, or friends who once knew you well but gradually disappeared from your routine.

Those relationships still hold something worth returning to. You have shared history, trust, and an understanding of each other that would take years to build from scratch. At the same time, you have both changed. You have gained different experiences, met different people, and learned things the other person has not.

That combination can make a dormant relationship unusually valuable. It brings together familiarity and fresh perspective.

The study Dormant Ties: The Value of Reconnecting found that executives who reconnected with former contacts gained useful knowledge efficiently, especially when the earlier relationship had been strong. The value came from more than access to information. Existing trust and shared context made it easier to have a useful conversation, while time apart meant each person had something new to contribute.

This is why reconnection deserves more than a passing thought when someone's name appears on your screen. It is a relationship practice you can build into your life.

Once a month, look back instead of always looking for someone new. Think through the teams you have worked on, the communities you have been part of, and the people who shaped how you think. Choose one person you would genuinely like to know again. Reach out before you need advice, an introduction, or a favor.

The benefit may surprise you. A former teammate may help you see a current leadership problem differently. An old manager may remind you of a strength you have stopped using. A friend from an earlier chapter may reconnect you with interests that work has pushed aside. You might also get something simpler and equally worthwhile: an enjoyable conversation with someone who mattered to you.

Old relationships deserve attention for their own sake. When you make room for renewal without treating people as hidden career assets, learning, opportunity, encouragement, and friendship can follow in ways you could not have planned.

Ally Condie captures what can remain even after two lives move in different directions:

Shared history gives you a strong place to begin, but the goal is to meet the person as they are now. The study The Reconnection Process identifies remembering, catching up, and understanding whether both people see the relationship similarly as important parts of renewing a dormant tie. Start with what connects you, then become curious about what has changed.

You may still hesitate. The study People Are Surprisingly Hesitant to Reach Out to Old Friends found that people often worried the other person would not want to hear from them or that contacting them after so long would feel awkward. In one experiment, fewer than a third sent a message even after choosing someone they wanted to reconnect with, believing that person would welcome hearing from them, and being given time to write.

That hesitation may underestimate how the message will be received. Across 13 preregistered studies reported in The Surprise of Reaching Out, people tended to underestimate how much a friend or acquaintance would appreciate positive, unexpected contact. That does not guarantee a reply or a renewed relationship, but it is a reason not to treat your anxiety as evidence about the other person's response.

Perfect wording can feel important when a relationship has been quiet for years, but research has not found a dependable message formula that makes people more likely to press send. If the first step still feels difficult, start by checking in with one current friend. In one experiment, that simple warm-up increased the share of participants who then contacted an old friend.

A thoughtful invitation may lead to a renewed friendship, or it may simply let someone know they still matter to you. Either outcome gives the relationship more care than leaving it in the past because the first message felt awkward.

Which relationship would add something meaningful to your life if you gave it renewed attention?

If this resonates, share with your network to help someone make relationship renewal a regular part of their life.

References

Aknin, L. B., & Sandstrom, G. M. (2024). People are surprisingly hesitant to reach out to old friends. Communications Psychology, 2, Article 34. https://doi.org/10.1038/s44271-024-00075-8

Levin, D. Z., Walter, J., & Murnighan, J. K. (2011). Dormant ties: The value of reconnecting. Organization Science, 22(4), 923–939. https://doi.org/10.1287/orsc.1100.0576

Liu, P. J., Rim, S., Min, L., & Min, K. E. (2023). The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 124(4), 754–771. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402

Rondi, E., Levin, D. Z., & De Massis, A. (2024). The reconnection process: Mobilizing the social capital of dormant ties. Organization Science, 35(2), 573–600. https://doi.org/10.1287/orsc.2023.1685